Darth-Cena.net - 2nd Person Update

2nd Person Update

Written on Saturday, August 21st, 2004 @ 10:42am

With one week of school over, you can definitely tell that everything has changed. Well, maybe not everything, but enough to tell you it will never be the same. Little things that mattered, like where you sat on the stairs & who you sat with changed. All your only true friends are no longer there to share that half hour with you in which you feel you can escape into their comfort. As soon as that bell ring for 3rd block, they rush out of there as quickly as they can, with reasons like, “Sticking around is so uncool,” and “Oh I have better things to be doing,” and “Wahh I’m not allowed to stay”.

So you’re forced to sit with your friends who only care about you to a certain point, as well as the person who dumped you as a friend because you ‘ruled her life’ and ‘let her down too many times’ or ‘didn’t sign up for the same dback’. And when you think about those things it makes you wonder. Why do you attract these kind of people? How can people even be so stupid to dump a friendship over something like this? Are you really that bad of a person? Why?

You hurt inside because you barely see Bryan anymore, but cover it up by saying you wish you were somewhere else. You see your friends get overly dramatic about guys & you just roll your eyes at them because lately they seem to only care about their guys & aren’t able to see what else is going on around them.

You’ve always said you’d put your friends first, guys second, but lately you feel that most of your single friends would put you second if a guy came into their life. You’re sick of handing out advice that no one seems to listen to so you become mute to it all. Instead, all you can do is wait for your apple picker to climb to the top of the tree and pick you, the good apple, and not the rotten ones at the bottom that are so easy to get, but aren’t that good.

And then there is your ex-crush Matt, who while you’ve convinced yourself inside your brain you dislike him, your heart still has small feelings. It doesn’t really hurt you to see him having a girlfriend, but it frustrates you, because it makes you feel like you weren’t good enough for him. You don’t know what went wrong or what you did. Was it the way your parents acted after Homecoming? Was it you believing all the bullcrap Debbie said and then getting emotional about it? You wish you could pick apart his brain and use what he thought of you as constructive criticism.

And you also wish he would quit steering his girlfriend around all lunch and always walking by your group with her as if sending some kind of message to you. It doesn’t help that his girlfriend is in two of your classes and is trying to be your friend. Usually it’s the opposite, where you’re trying to be their friend, as if being chummy will do something. In the end, it does nothing.

So because you’re really feeling lonely this year, only having friends in one class, you’ve decided that you’re slowly becoming content at being anti-social. On Friday, nothing pleased you more than to be able to sit down in the shade, eating your lunch and reading Harry Potter. That’s what you love about that book, is that if you’re feeling lonely, you can escape to it and get lost in the magical world you hold so dear. So that’s what you do.

All in all, you really wish now, more than anything, you could be away from Placerville, away from everyone. You want to be in the bay area going to college & enjoying the city & meeting new people. Starting a new life, is what you want.

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