Whoever said things have to get worst before they get better were right. Yesterday was probably my worst day ever, but things seemed to get and feel better shortly after I left church. Certain things just began to click.

For instance, one of things that has been getting to me has been the recent break-up of my 4 year friendship with Sandy. The fact that I poured out every explanation to my actions and her not being understanding like she used to, but rather being as cold as Laura & Debbie once were, is enough to make me realize that I really don’t want her friendship anymore. Becca read what I wrote to her and told me that my email was enough for someone to make an easy decision. Sandy still feels the need to have her friends on LJ tell her what to do and say harsh things about me; therefore I do not need someone like her in my life anymore.

She used to be a really good friend, probably as good as Becca. But she’s taken my feelings and simply stomped on them just like Laura & Debbie did. I never thought I would associate her with those two but she’s changed quite drastically. In fact, I’ve found myself wishing I didn’t send the email I did because if anything, it made me look like I was groveling. Besides her reaction of, “Aww shit!” explained everything.

I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy there
I hope they find somewhere
They understand you as I grew to

I just hate that I have to continue going through these friendship break-ups all the time. I don’t understand how certain ex-friends of mine can just one day wake up and decide that no matter how much someone pours out their feelings of apology, how much they cry and are obviously hurt, that they can turn a cold shoulder and/or continue to be so harsh. How can someone just do that? Do they have no heart? What’s amusing is they claim to be followers of Christ. Well, one of the three people do that have done this towards me. Jesus forgives and isn’t harsh, man. That’s why he’s my homeboy ;).

While crying throughout service, I decided to cave and go to my grandparents once I’d be done with the party on Saturday. I told my mom this when I came home last night, and that was really all I decided to say. She actually had the nerve to ask me if I was okay! YEAH Mom I am just dandy! Either changing my mind or something else was said decided to make her stop her silent treatment. This morning she made me a breakfast drink and was actually speaking to me. Not only that but she said we could just meet for lunch on Sunday instead of me driving all the way down to the Bay Area. Talk about a turn around from yesterday!

I also I got my first “I’m thinking of you” type text message from Joshua in a long time. I think it hit him pretty hard last night when I told him because off all the BS I’ve going through has made me rather depressed and that Becca allowed me to just cry my heart out on her shoulder. He was sad that not only was I not happy, but that he used to be the one I’d cry to. He misses not being able to be there for me. It meant a lot to actually hear that.

So today I get to work from 3-10pm, which is not biggie. I’m finding I’m starting to be a lot happier when I am at work because I’m busy the entire time and people are nice to me. Well most people are. There are a few coworkers I still get the vibe they don’t like me, but it’s probably because I’ve only been there for a little over a month. We’ll see how things go.

1 Comment

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1 Comment

sunnysky commented on Sunday, May 21st, 2006, 8:11 am

hey - you don’t know me, but i was (emphasis on the past) friends with Sandy, and i’ve watched, from the outside, the events of the past few weeks unfold. you seem like a marvelous person who follows her heart, and i just want you to know that you deserve much more caring people in your life. anyone who treat their friends like this is certainly no friend of mine, and i have bid Sandy goodbye as well.
- sunnysky

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