Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I did something I never thought I would have the guts or the heart to do: I kicked Becca out of my house.

Ever since she gave me back the computer (and I wrote that entry letting everything out), I haven’t been on speaking terms with her. I think I talked with her maybe once during the week in which she showed me a Marilyn Monroe poster one of her coworkers gave her and telling me her work schedule. Other than that, if you were a fly on the wall at our house you could totally tell there is some serious tension.

Throughout the week she let her room become a disaster once more (despite me cleaning it and not getting a thank you) so I deep cleaned it taking back all of my things. I figured I’m never going to get the money back she owes me/Joshua so I could at least take back what was rightfully mine. Besides, it’s my responsibility to keep the house in order including her room.

Monday night/Tuesday morning I was pushed to my breaking point because thanks to her I was walking around like an angry zombie throughout the day. I got no sleep! Around the time Joshua and I crawled into bed she was talking to some guy very loudly on the phone in her room. I also heard do a lot of walking back and forth throughout the house.

At 12:30am I woke up to use the bathroom when I was greeted by her dog, Becca not here and a living room with lights on and doors unlocked. At 1:30am her dog started barking loudly at who-knows-what. I tried to fall back asleep, but I was so angry! I thought about a conversation I had with my sister about the whole situation and what’s holding me back from kicking her out. I thought to myself, “What can she really do to me? What am I afraid of happening?” So I sent her a text message.

Next time you decide to leave in the middle of the night take your dog with you so she doesn’t wake up the whole house. Oh and you can consider yourself officially kicked out. You can spend today vacating the premises.

All day I got messages from her asking why I had to be “so ugly and nasty about this” and telling me she needs a week (then in another message she said she needed a little more than a week) and that she has no place to go until next week. I kept responding telling her that it’s not my problem, because as cold as that sounds, it’s really not. She’s been kicked out of three other places already, and should have been prepared. She has a job, she should have saved her money in case of an emergency. She also could hop on a bus to go home or stay at a motel.

And a side note, I haven’t been ugly or nasty about this. I haven’t actually spoken to her. I’ve just text messaged her, and I’ve been direct about everything.

I went to my grandparent’s house after school because I didn’t want to go home and deal with her whining, begging, and pleading. I wanted to come home and her not be there. I told my grandparents everything, from the pot to the way she kept her room to her financial irresponsibility. They were a 100% on my side and they too wanted her out. At one point she tried to say that my grandparents have to give her 30 days for eviction. Well guess what! Her name is not on the lease nor has she paid anything; legally has no right to be here.

My grandpa and I met Joshua back at the house, but Becca had managed to find a place to go for night. She’s coming back sometime this evening to get the rest of her stuff, and that’s that. All we can do is see where it will go from here. I do know that whatever happens with her, it’s not my problem anymore.

Everytime I’ve gotten in an argument with her she has always whined about how she has tried so hard to be good for me (she whined about this to Joshua yesterday too). It’s not about being what I want her to be, it’s about being a more responsible adult. I was the one who tried. I thought when she moved down here she wanted to change. I tried so hard to be patient and understanding, but I just couldn’t handle living with her anymore. Deep down in my heart she’ll always be my friend (this is why I feel so guilty), but right now I just need a break.

Meggan pointed out this article to me, which relates heavily to my situation, except instead of an ex it’s a former best friend. Reading the comments helped assure me that I did in fact do the right thing and only she can be held accountable for the decisions she has made.

You might feel guilt: I’m kicking them out”, and you are. You are kicking them out. That is your decision, and your right. But you are not kicking them out onto the street. Let’s be clear about that. Because it implies that you are responsible for their decisions. YOU are not kicking them out onto the street, anymore than the Safeway is denying me food because I chose to spend it all on new clothes and a car I couldn’t afford. They are doing that to themselves, by their decisions and their actions, by not researching resources, calling other friends and family, using their public assistance wisely, looking for a job 12 hours a day. So the question is how do you watch someone harm themselves. I think the answer is: with compassion, and with a clear sense of your own boundaries so they don’t drag you down with them. Talk to friends. Pray for them. Weep after they leave for their poor choices because you see how it hurts them and others. But you can’t solve their problems. You can only decide: this is how much I can give before I harm my mental and financial well being, and give that much. The rest is out of your hands. It always was.

I post this in hopes that people who are in the same situation can learn from my experience.